Halloween

So Halloween has lasted for about a full month over here. I have webs covering nearly every surface of my home, a full sized coffin in front of my house and 5 skeletons hanging from the ceiling. We carved our pumpkin and I had every intention of washing and roasting those damn pumpkin seeds until they turned moldy in the strainer due to my neglect. Luckily my 5 year old hasn’t reminded me of my shortcomings, yet. She will likely remember in June when there are no pumpkins to be found and she can really lay on the guilt.

On the first day of school, my daughter came home with a flyer for a pumpkin decorating contest to be judged on October 30th. Naturally, she reminded me EVERY SINGLE DAY since then. You know when we completed it? October 29. Like normal people who don’t get shit done early. I get it done on time. That’s the best I can do. We created a ladybug caught in a spider’s web. It took about 4 hours and she repeatedly told me through the process that it was her project, NOT mine. I couldn’t help, make suggestions or touch up her paint without being torn a new one. I suggested we add legs, “How can we give it legs when we don’t know the correct amount? Ask Siri!” “This needs to be good mom, I need to make it GOOD.”

It was a lot of pressure from a 5 year old perfectionist. I’m happy it’s over.

My son went as Georgie from the movie It. I pretty much carried his red ballon around for 3 weeks… Spooktacular at the zoo, his birthday party, the school Halloween dance and trick or treating. I’m so done with balloons, buying balloons, keeping balloons safe from popping or flying out my car window, driving with balloons, and having one tethered to my wrist. I’m also tired of the look the lady behind the counter in the stationary store gave me when I asked on 4 separate occasions to blow me up a single red balloon. His costume was a big hit though. Kids and adults at the zoo asked to take photos with him, people whispered “it’s Georgie!” when he walked by and he was followed by Pennywise at the zoo which rightfully scared the shit out of him. I will take it.

My daughter went as Elfaba from Wicked. She insisted I paint her face green. She was good to go with a couple of smears across her face until she looked in the mirror. Then it was another 30 minutes of “getting it right.” The kid makes me sweat, she really does. Then I got shit for not knowing where her witch’s broom was. “The last I saw it Bella, you were whacking your brother with it….” didn’t go over well.

Her whole birth family showed up to trick or treat with her. Like grandpa and grandma, aunts and uncles and her birth parents and brother. She’s so lucky to have a family that wants so much to be a part of her life. Her grandma drove in an hour to see her. You know how she reacted to all of them? Complete ignore. I was horrified. She had her mind on candy and keeping up with “the big kids.” Then she had to pee while on the hunt for candy. She found a nice bush for cover and started taking her pants down. Did I raise an animal? Apparently. Luckily there was an actual toilet for her to use but she was too tired to walk to it. So she sat down in protest.

We chose a different area to trick or treat in this year. One with houses built into hills with steep staircases. And a total lack of railings. Homeowner’s insurance’s worst nightmare. Large groups of kids in oversized dresses and face masks trying to navigate giant stone steps. Whose idea was it to trick or treat in my own neighborhood? Not mine. I’m going to my usual spot next year where my fear of traumatic brain injury can be checked off the list of potential hazards.

We ordered sushi but my kids already ate candy for dinner. My son refused to wash his face paint off last night and I forgot to do it this morning. He looked alright minus the giant black bags under his eyes which I realized were left over make-up just as he left the car for stop and drop. “Have a good day James!”

His teacher is going to think he’s shot.

I’m shot.

Goodbye Halloween. Until next year.