Staten Island Parents Uncensored, Monday Recap

Staten Island Parents Uncensored Monday Recap (with some stuff that didn’t make the end of week recap)

HUUUUUGE News this Monday. Really, Truly, HUUGE.

On Sunday my kids woke up complete assholes. Thanks to support from the group, I learned that most people’s kids wake up assholes everyday. I took comfort in that and moved on. Here’s their asshole faces…

Therese is so enthralled by recent posts, she can’t put her phone down. Her sink is full of dirty dishes and her kids haven’t eaten since Sunday😂 Therese get with it or ACS is coming for you like they did Kelly. At least hand them a bag of chips and a Mountain Dew. It should hold them over for a few days.

Shirli has finally found a strapless bra capable of holding her giant cans up. Don’t bother asking for pics, she’s not an attention-seeking-whore.

Samantha is DEEPLY disturbed by the fact that her friend leaves the wrapper on a blow pop while eating it. A poll was taken. My thoughts, It’s just wrong to leave a wrapper on (and a bit lazy no?) but her manicure IS on point though.

David has spent the last 3 weeks driving around the island collecting orange cones in front of people’s houses. He’s fucking fed with people feeling so entitled that they refuse to park in their driveways and “hold” spots in front of their houses. You don’t own the street. You can’t claim a spot. What has this island come to? Are you going to park a shopping cart on line in the grocery store while you shop “holding” your spot? Stop it. Just stop. Poor Jess was afraid to park in front of her own damn house because her asshole neighbor was “holding” that spot. NO WAY. Call David. He will put an end to that shit. His SUV, basement and garage are now full of cones. His wife is threatening divorce. Con Ed has his face on posters. But I stand behind the man. “No Holdsies.” No more.

A long and heated debate ensued over wether Louie G’s or Ralph’s had the best ices. I can’t even believe such a sensitive topic was brought up. It seems that native islanders stand behind Ralph’s. Brooklyn transplants have a loyalty to Louie’s. You can’t have an opinion here. Just don’t. Your house will be egged. Your car will be keyed, your children will be bullied. Just go and eat your Ralph’s spumoni with pride and don’t look any of those Louie lovers in the eye while you are doing it!

Diana asks, “who has the best roast beef and gravy heros, and NOT John’s deli. She has some serious beef with John. A large number of responses poured in. Members of the group agreed with some and warned against others. Who had food poisoning from where, who found a hair in their hero, who’s meat was way over-cooked. Next time try yelp?

One member asks what is the best way to remove baked-on grease from a cookie sheet. I didn’t even have to read the comments. I know the answer. You throw that shit out.

Another poster is desperate to know if Denny’s on Amboy road has opened yet. Nobody knows. I wish we knew. It’s been taking forevah.

Jimmy had the AUDACITY to inform the group (of 6,300 strangers) that his wife finally put-out. And then he had the GAUL to tag her in the post. I would have knocked my husband right the fuck out. Seriously.

But the award goes to a concerned member who photographed 2 beetles inside her home. She wants to know what they are and if she should be concerned. Joe, the group exterminator couldn’t be reached even after 46 people tagged him in the post. Members left to their own devices (literally) began frantically searching their phones in an attempt to identify the beetles. Stink bug? No. Large brown lady bug? No. Water bug? Not even close. Thanks to resourceful members and the Orkin bug identifier page, it was determined that they are in fact carpet beetles. They are nasty like fuckers that eat clothes, carpet, linens and your children. More attempts to reach Joe failed. She eventually burnt the house down. Problem solved. Done…Then Joe responded.

That’s it in a nutshell. Tell me what I missed.